Anonymous asked: (Part 3) So the worst part is that now I don't actually feel the anxiety, but in my mind I still care. I'll have an intrusive thought but no emotional reaction, so then I think it must be a part of me since it doesn't bother me emotionally. I am 16, just moved from the US to Mexico, I hate it here and I absolutely loved the US. I have only actually "liked" a couple of girls (of course i think tons of girls are attractive) but it never works out with the girls I choose.. General advice?
Well first of all, it sounds like you have a good understanding of what’s been going on in your mind until recently. That’s a good start. The lack of anxiety is actually a positive thing and something that often happens when sufferers are starting to recover. However your thought processes are still clear compulsions as you haven’t managed to stop ruminating. You’ve managed to stop your body firing warning signals all the time because you’ve been accustomed to the cycle (which is good) but that doesn’t mean the battle is over because you’re still latching onto that “what if?” Moving has probably also contributed to your struggles, but try to make the best of your new environment. I’m sure you do miss the US but missing it will only harm your experience in Mexico now. Try to keep the fond memories of the past and make brilliant new ones where you are at present. :) What you’re experiencing is a backdoor spike. This is a common part of recovery where the lack of anxiety is what triggers the problem, because sufferers misconstrue the lack of reaction as a warning sign that they’re becoming what they fear. The reality is you’re desensitizing and not recognizing it. Try to understand that this is part of your disorder and for the most part a good sign. Don’t let that lack of anxiety trip you up but rather look at it as progress and continue to use the coping mechanisms that have worked for you up to now and you should be fine. I’m sure when things work out with a girl you really like that you’ll become focused on that too, and it could be the last step in you completely getting through this. Stay strong and keep me updated!
the-nightimetyou asked: I had HOCD for almost a year now. I'm recovering really well which will hopefully be a permanent thing and I feel really positive about it! I just thought I'd let you know as I've written to you several times and honestly your advice helped me so much. Thank you so much for that! :) x
That’s absolutely brilliant! I’m glad to hear you’re doing better. Stay strong and if you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to come back! Hopefully you won’t need to though. :) x
Anonymous asked: I'm never sure if I'm recovering, or just going up and down. I mean,sometimes, I feel happier than usual, like I could break free, but the thoughts are still there. And like half and hour later I feel hopeless, despite KNOWING I've come quite a long way. Do I just need to maintain a positive attitude throughout all this? It's hard, you know? I'm doubting my own thoughts, and also doubting my own doubts. It's strange to not fight my thoughts and embrace uncertainty- feels contradictory to logic.
Going through the same mate and yeah the best thing you can do is maintain a positive attitude. Negativity only further drains you and drags you down and when you’re in that state thoughts can seem far more real than they are.
I know it seems like an endless cycle but the more we teach ourselves that thoughts are thoughts the more we can be free of the ones that we fear. I know it contradicts logic to completely reject the anxiety response but it’s us controlling ourselves rather than the OCD controlling us. You have the power to beat this and I know you can. :)
Anonymous asked: First, i just want to say thank you, because things have gotten so much better and you've been so much help. I thought i was better because it hadn't been interfering in my life, so i decided i didn't need to get any professional help. But then today i saw a top, which i can't bring myself to ever wear again because its 'Contaminated'. It doesn't bother me much because i don't really like it, But do you think that means that i haven't recovered yet? would you advise me to get professional help?
You’re more than welcome. I’m glad you’ve been feeling better. :)
You’re definitely getting there, so it’s nothing to worry about! It just means there’s some areas left to tackle but you sound like you’re more than able enough to accomplish it! :)
If you could try to wear said top, it’d be a massive step forward in terms of ERP. If you start relapsing and getting into a really bad place, then there’s no harm in seeking professional help. It’s worth it if it helps you be free of this, right?
Anonymous asked: Hey I just wanted to let you know that you'll get through your struggles, and today doesn't define your future. I have no doubt in my heart that you will overcome ROCD and any other struggles that you may be dealing with. Stay positive, and remember all the mechas you've taught us! Don't react to the intrusive thoughts. You have a lovely gf who you obviously adore, and that can be seen simply through your writing. The happiness you deserve is endless so please don't forget that.
This ask means a lot to me, anon. I don’t know why you’re on anon when you’re being so nice btw, haha.
You’re right about the girl; she’s beyond lovely and I do adore her. Despite not being the longest relationship I’ve had it was the most powerful and I’m convinced she’s my first love.
The problem is with the state I was getting in I wasn’t doing her any good. We had a pretty big row ages ago and I let words that weren’t meant completely eat away at my self-esteem and wear me down to a point where I was incredibly insecure. I was at a point where I was terrified of making even minor mistakes (being down one day for example, not being funny etc) because I’d convinced myself I’d get discarded. She’s not like that nor did she mean it but I couldn’t quite convey to her what it did to my head. We’re very different people in that I’m quite open with how I feel be it expressed or implied whereas she loves as strongly as I do, but internally without displaying it.
Pure-O is ridiculously hard to understand for somebody not going through it and we’re both very young. I just don’t find it fair to put her through my sorrows. She doesn’t know how to say or show the little things that bring my moods up and give me confidence, and it’s not healthy for me to rely on that so much. I can’t change our differences, nor do I want to because I don’t want to change her. She used to enjoy taking drugs and because of my concerns for her health which she understood plus of how she felt for me she stopped but it’s a debilitating trade off because she’d lost an element of her life she enjoyed for a relationship that started to get serious (in a negative way) because of my condition. I wasn’t upbeat and because of ROCD not as happy as I should of been, and I was super sensitive to the likes of criticism and she was kinda critical of me.
There were genuine clashes that severely contributed to what I was going through, but overall I think it’s one of those really upsetting cases where a couple love each other but can’t be together. I’m incredibly frustrated with it because obviously it hurts like hell and I’m gonna really miss her but better for her to try and get on with things, try to get over me and be happy without feeling restricted rather than be with me and be dragged down by me getting in a state because of a condition that’s not either of our fault and set ways she doesn’t know how to change (again the whole expression vs. internal thing).
That being said I don’t bullshit when I say what I say on here about recovery. The coping mechanisms work wonders and whilst I’ve lost a major battle, I’m going to win the war. The stress of college, a pretty big upcoming gig (that’s rushed due to a vocalist departing last minute) and ROCD has contributed to a chaotic mindframe but I’m hoping with perseverance I can regain clarity and not drag anyone down with me whilst I’m failing.
It means a lot that you think I deserve happiness, and I hope you’re right. I’m getting a top up of CBT to make sure the coping mechanisms I have in place are right and to see if there’s more I can learn. I’m also back on a low dose of fluoxitine to help with my serotonin levels, fatigue and low moods. It’s a bitch that love affects serotonin in a similar fashion to OCD; I always sarcastically joke about how I’m fucked. xD
But I’ll get there and I’ve got the rest of my life to achieve since I’m only 18. I’ll grieve for a bit and then probably get angry and with that motivated to recover even more than I already am. I’m sick of having positive things robbed from me and the damage it does to not only me but those I care about, and I’m gonna use that to push forward and get better.
I’ll still be doing what I can for all of you guys in the meantime. We’re all in the same boat I guess. Time to all work together to reach the shore. (‘:
Resistance or not?
I’ve struggled with OCD for the majority of my life suffering various forms of Pure O, Confessional OCD, HOCD and I also think I suffer from GAD. It was only 2 years ago I realised I had the disorder and it’s only been a few months since I have been less reactive with the thoughts. I follow the “just let the thoughts be there process” and watch the anxiety fade this has worked to an extent but recently i’ve felt a bit of a relapse in that my thoughts seem to be answering themselves and I’m not sure whether these are compulsions or just thoughts on thoughts but the frequency of them has been pretty high during the past week? Have you or anyone else on here experienced a similar situation on the road to recovery and how long did it take you to recover from OCD so it is at a manageable level on a consistent basis?
The ask I’ve just answered covered the exact same thing. Basically it’s natural that we ruminate instinctively because our minds are so used to doing it, but distraction techniques work wonders when not used as compulsions. Basically go out with your friends or do something you enjoy when OCD acts up and you’ll forget you’ve been ruminating in no time.
I can’t remember how long it took me to get to a ‘manageable’ level but if I’m honest I deal with relapses even now. Remission depends on the level of dedication to coping mechanisms and calming the anxiety response, so it varies from individual to individual. Stress hinders recovery but positive emotions really help, so there’s factors either way too. I’d got it fully under control within a year but I struggle when in relationships because that’s when my thoughts go up in intensity and frequency. I’m working on calming the emotional response for that one soon!
Terribly Sorry Guys…
Liam here, I just want to let you all know I wont be able to help for a week or so as personal problems has resulted in me struggling to help others at the moment.. Any questions ask on my personal blog, love you guys <3
Anonymous asked: I'm really tired, sometimes I tell myself "Okay, this pure-o is the reality, what I reality think and I" but it's worst after. No matter what I think, it will ever be worst. Sometines I think about just end all of this.
Naturally when obsessions have the upper hand you will feel down and question everything, but believe me when I say there’s so much more to life.
Go on a little walk when the weather is decent (or even when it’s not) and just observe your surroundings. Clear your mind by focusing on what’s around you and what you can smell etc. You should find if you do it right that you temporarily forgot about your obsessions. The best part? You can train your mind to make that second nature.
Get angry when you’re down. Tell yourself the truth, which is that you DON’T deserve this. Stand up for yourself and go face your theme head on with some ERP. When I’ve done that I’ve been fuelled with determination and it’s an amazing feeling when done right. Recovery is most beautiful when we’re at our weakest.
If you have even one family member, or one friend that cares about you, then you have something to fight for. I’m sure you’ve many years of your life ahead too, all of which are yours to make the most of. You never know where you’ll be a year down the line. I certainly didn’t. I was a wreck at 15, convinced that I’d never get better. At 16, I was happy, appreciative and stronger than ever before. I’d grown to accept OCD wasn’t going away overnight, and that it’d take time, and began to recover as a result.
Stay strong. Life is beautiful. Make the most of it.
Anonymous asked: This is going to sound ridiculous, but when Im at a good point, when My OCD isn't bothering me, i feel like I'm not me. Almost like i miss it. Its stupid, because its hell. But it was a part of me, and now i feel like I'm not me.
I’d say it sounds ridiculous except this is incredibly common and something I’ve identified with. It’s odd but I have a few thoughts on it.
When we’re completely free of our themes, it’s like our minds doesn’t know what to do with themselves because they’ve been so used to functioning in such a way. Normally the absence of that functioning leads to a depressed kind of state but thankfully it passes. It’s probably because normality becomes a foreign feeling when we get completely wrapped up in our themes, so we struggle to get used to it again, but the good thing is you will do and it’ll feel damn good.