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Anonymous asked: Now a year and a bit on I still worry about it. When i see her I get a shot of anxiety which I mistake for attraction (butterflies etc.) is this possible? When I see her on weekends I feel nothing but at school it is intense... I am so confused - I don;t have fantasies only with boys. At the moment I like this guy but I don;t get many butterflies cause I am comfortable around him... HELP ME,

The level of analysis you’re doing and what you’ve been spiked by does sound like a case of HOCD to me but I’m not in a position to diagnose you, only to advise. Search the HOCD tag and see if you can take anything from the previous asks as I’ve covered this issue multiple times. I’ll be more than happy to give you further clarification on anything you don’t understand though or if my previous asks don’t help. Stay strong! Keep me updated! :)

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Anonymous asked: responses. This information has really helped me, because I know that if I'm worrying about it, then I am not a pedophile, and I have nothing to worry about! I do hope that this information will help some of those out there. It is possible to get over pocd, so do not give up :) (2/2)

That’s a great contribution and a good distinction between a sufferer and a paedophile so thank you for that! :)

What’s important to note though is that in recovery, the anxiety response will start to go. Becoming nonchalant to the thoughts is NOT a sign that you’re becoming what you’re fear, but instead a sign that you’re desensitizing to the thoughts and you understand it’s just POCD tricks.

Keep strong and keep fighting everybody! :)

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Anonymous asked: (2) years of this and idk why but the time I was struggling to me made it worse and now I'm obsessing that like I future with at girl like thinking about it seems normal and like ughhh. And I was also scared of being emotionally attracted to a girl and like these thoughts NEVER even crossed my mind before this obsession began and now I can feel it coming back and getting NSC just by thinking aboug this like I feel the need to obsess what is happening can this just be over ugh.

Breathe woman! ;D

Testing is the absolute worst thing you can do. It’s great that you acknowledge when your mind is trying to get you to test but that’s also a sign that you’re probably ruminating too much and need to take a step back.

OCD follows a very inconsistent nature of highs and lows. People tend to go through streaks of being completely free to feeling like they’ve only just started suffering from it, but it’s usually to do with the fear of relapse or the fear of recovering just to have a ‘realisation’ (a prime example of backdoor spiking).

Accept the ups and downs. Accept that you’re likely to experience triggers that’ll try and drag you back into a dark place but at the same time recognise that you’re more than prepared to deal with this. When you stop fearing, you have complete control. Sometimes I get so sick of it I get to a point where I don’t have the energy to respond and ironically that’s when I break free again. Just hang in there. It’ll be worth it long term. Trust me.

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Anonymous asked: of struggling with my thoughts, because I know I can't get rid of them by myself, they always come back, and they're exhausting. I always have to perform compulsion, to reassure myself, even if I know it's worthless. My worries change of subjects all the time. It never ends. I never find peace. But, in july I finally told my mom about my OCD, and today I finally found the courage to go see a doctor for a prescription, to see a psychiatrist. I hope it's gonna be worth it. Because I can't do this.

Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot and give me faith that what I’m doing is useful and needed here.

How long have you known what you’re suffering from? The reason I ask is because I think knowledge is a key component in overcoming this disorder; not general, but rather specific knowledge about the OCD/Pure-O cycle, what tricks it’ll try, how to tell when a thought doesn’t have purpose, etc.

There’s a page I’ve written on here specifically about overcoming intrusive thoughts, covering rumination and how to stop it. Please give it a read as it seems to have been useful to people in the past! 

As for changing worries, that’s a normal part of OCD but it’s not something you have to get scared of. Themes will change but the same tricks will always be there and once you learn to handle the tricks all themes become just as weak. I’ve not been hit with a new theme in ages because I can shrug them off before they get to me now. Unfortunately some of the themes I ruminated on a while ago I’m still working through but hey, it’s a time thing.

Therapy is worth it. If there’s ever a problem it’s usually a poor counsellor, but generally that doesn’t happen. Therapy is what gave me the knowledge I needed to implement CBT into daily life and that’s a great therapy for realising that intrusive thoughts are actually meaningless, and it’s simply because we react to them that we fear they may have purpose.

Get back to me, keep strong and keep me updated. If there’s anything specific that you need answering or you’ve got plenty of questions to ask, don’t worry. Get back to me and I’ll do what I can. :)

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Anonymous asked: (still me) To sum up, I have Pure O, I had checking OCD, Superstitious OCD, HOCD, Schiz-O and I currently have Harm-O OCD, Religious OCD sometimes, and Confession Compulsions. I also have such an obsession about my choice of studies that I think it can be considered as a OCD or Pure O, at least (ruminations, panic attacks, compulsion, etc).

You CAN still do this, first of all. You’re in a bad spot right now but lows like you’re experiencing make the highs, so, SO sweet. I’m a prime example of that. Anybody that’s followed this blog from its early days knows what a roller-coaster it’s been for me but it’s also helped me to obtain a mindset full of gratitude and love. If I didn’t have that mindset without this disorder, then I’d actually rather still have the disorder and just work on making it work in my favour rather than against me, and hopefully that’s where I’m getting.

As for the montage of themes you’ve gone through, it’s important not to think “I’ve got so many themes, I’m beyond saving” etc, but the reality is ALL themes can be handled the same. Whether you have 1 theme or 100, they all still try to consume and the response will decide if it manages to do so or not (though granted the more themes the more triggers, but again they’re all handled the same).

The disorder is the problem and not the theme. How much do you know about coping mechanisms? What have you done to implement them and where have you had successes and where have your main hurdles been? Get back to me on those questions and I’ll do what I can to take some weight off your shoulders. 

You WILL heal. It’s not an easy journey nor will you find success overnight but with perseverance and a realist-optimist mindset you’ll get there. There’s some pages that go through coping mechanisms on this blog if you haven’t tried any yet. 

Keep strong and keep me updated. All 700 of us here know what you’re experiencing, but a promising number of the group have also shown recovery is possible, and that’s what we have to focus on.

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Anonymous asked: (2) that make me feel a bit better, so that's why I think it might be ocd-related. Ah it's just that I enjoy tumblr and don't want to leave it, but seeing these things and knowing that some people will actually hurt themselves is too much for me.

It’s hard to see, especially when so much of it is genuine. However I think it’s also important to remember (and I’m not saying this applies to everybody so please don’t take this offensively guys) that a lot of Tumblr is used for attention seeking. Somewhere down the line it’s become ‘cool’ to be a trouble child, to self-harm, to have a mental illness etc. A lot of what you see on Tumblr is genuine suffering, but a lot of what you see is bullshit too. Taking a step back is important because we can’t fix everybody no matter how hard we want to, and as sad as it is, that’s how the world is today. There’s a lot of suffering out there.

Spikes are healthy if you don’t perform compulsions afterwards, so if you can get used to seeing self-harm posts, pictures etc. and not ruminating it would actually help you detach from them emotionally long term. However if it becomes dangerously triggering then it may do you some good to take time away until you feel strong enough to come back. Only you can judge what’s best for you.

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Anonymous asked: (2) I don't want to cheat, I don't want to make her feel bad, I respect her, she is so important, so beautiful, I don't want to hurt her, I don't want to dream about any other person than her. I have this feeling again of I must confess her this, I must confess her all.

Stop. Take a step back. 

Dreams are pretty much a mash-up of everything. Most of the time they’re complete garbage as  it’s different, random things to do with our subconscious, which is why most dreams make no sense. In the case of ROCD where you constantly analyse and think about the same thing, it’s naturally going to cement into your brain and that’s why it’s showing up in your dreams. Not because you have a secret hidden agenda. Not because you have a bad ulterior motive. It’s purely because you’re reacting to your anxiety response over things you fear.

Confessions are a major nono. Most of the time they’re meaningless but they do take their toll and it’s also then putting added pressure on your partner. Trust me, not everything is meant to be discussed, especially when it’s meaningless like the dream you’ve had.

Accept these thoughts will be in your head. Accept you may have bad dreams. But most importantly, realise you’re a victim in all of this and that Pure-O is the culprit here, and not you. It’ll help you a great deal.

Keep strong and keep me updated.

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Anonymous asked: I can kinda focus in the time between checks, but its a distant kind of focus. Anyways, my point is that I have no idea what to do. I don't want to tell my parents because they toss it off to the side, and wouldn't believe me. But my grades suffered last year when the checking got worse. I just don't know what to do.

It does follow an OC cycle and even though it may be deemed less serious than other themes, if it’s disruptive and you’re suffering the anxiety, then themes become irrelevant.

The problem is the more checking you do, the stronger your urge will be to check, whereas resisting checking makes the urge temporarily worse but long term less powerful. There’s a lot on here about how to handle intrusive thoughts and deal with the OC cycle, give it a read and if you’re still struggling get back to me with what your concerns are and I’ll do my best to cover them all.

You’ll really struggle to focus when you resist compulsions at first, but overtime it’ll become second nature and you’ll have your concentration back.

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lostiels asked: These thoughts were there for a couple of months and they drove me crazy but they went away. A few years later I thought that I had to jump in front of a train to see if I would die. I used to and stand on a railway platform to see how close I could get.I also worry a lot about the environment. Last year the winter was too harsh and I was worried that the ducks would die and I would cry for hours by the lake because the ducks were not there. Also when there were floods in Pakistan.

The shingles worry and the balancing obsession definitely appears to be OCD related. The train thing appears to be as well. In regards to environmental worries, I’m not too sure. I’ve never heard of that kind of theme but it wouldn’t surprise me considering potential themes are limitless, really. It’d be worth getting a referral so you can get a diagnosis and some answers so you can tackle what’s getting you down.

I think there’s sure-fire signs of OCD as you’ve got clear obsessions and compulsions, and it’s also likely that your environmental worries are at the very least linked since OCD sufferers have hyper-analytical minds and feel guilty over things they shouldn’t.

Stay strong and keep me updated!

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Anonymous asked: to prove to myself that I wouldn't develop urges like that. But I ended up being able to associate the urge with the image of strangling either my friend or my girlfriend. I know that was a really dumb thing to do, and it was freaking me out the whole time but I guess my question is: Is this something other than OCD that might be actually dangerous? Mentally I always dislike the intrusive thoughts but sometimes my feelings don't match. How do I know which thoughts are intrusive and which aren't?

That’s a classic example of Harm-O.

I’ll tell you it once because anything past that is reassurance; you are not a threat to anyone. People with OCD/Pure-O don’t act on their ‘urges’ because they’re intrusive and the opposite of their personality. That’s why they’re initially scary until they’re understood. It screws around with feelings hence your analysing but you’re not going to hurt anybody even if it feels like you’re determined to do so. You have to trust me there.

As for realising an intrusive, they’re unwanted. They come out of the blue, at first cause an anxiety response until they’re understood and are normally pretty wild in terms of what they’re about. Everybody gets them. The issue lies in the response we give ‘em!

Take care and keep strong.