OCD Free

It’s the difference between debilitating behaviours and traits that leads to a diagnosis or not, but you do get some less clear cut cases when the OCD isn’t as severe.

If you struggle a great deal with anxiety if these behaviours aren’t performed, then you’re looking at the disorder and even if it’s easy to manage now you should put coping mechanisms into place to stop it getting worse. If they’re just traits, I’d still work on treating them just to be safe rather than sorry. They’re traits at the minimum.

If you can, look into Exposure Response Prevention. Get back to me if you’re confused and I’ll help you with it, but basically you need to expose yourself to your anxieties (like the T.V. volume being on a number you don’t like) and not react (by performing a compulsion like changing the volume number) as that keeps the behaviour going as well as the anxiety response. Stopping the behaviour stops the anxiety response, so eventually you won’t be bothered by what currently upsets you a great deal. SSRI’s are recommended meds but they’re not worth it unless the disorder’s really giving you grief. Herbal remedies as well as vitamin supplements (primarily B and C I think) also work wonders.

There’s nothing wrong with being open, but because OCD is an out of whack defence mechanism it’s going to perceive things as a threat that in truth aren’t. Your arousal explanation is totally justified too, but OCD often misconstrues.  You’ve just written this ask in a very rational way though, so it’s clear you know you’re not in the wrong and that this comes down to ROCD. Now all you need to do is not give the thoughts any time.

You understand intrusives are irrational and you understand they’re ego-dystonic, so if you keep functioning as if the thoughts aren’t there then both reactions (physical anxiety and emotional responses) will stop. It’s comparable to re-conditioning or desensitizing yourself to the thoughts, in the sense you’re teaching yourself that they’re harmless and you’re in control.

I’d recommend opening up about it if you eventually can. It’s always nice to have support from your closest and they can aid you in recovery. However, if you want to avoid that route, then this is what I recommend:

Instead of performing a compulsion, intentionally disrupt it. Go against your symmetric instincts. You mentioned 4 when it came to brushing teeth, so go for 2 or 3 instead. Disrupting your compulsions will lead to further anxiety at first but they’ll also be no consequence past this, which helps your mind to understand this is not only irrational behavior but an irrational response to said behavior. Over time that response will die down, and you’ll have less of an urge to perform the behaviors in the first place. Compulsions bring temporary relief but long term add to the idea that a threat is lingering when it’s not. Fix your response and everything else will sort out as a knock on effect.

I used to think I also had Social Anxiety Disorder because OCD made me anxious in a way that applied to social situations. I think it just came down to how OCD affected me emotionally, mentally and physically though.

The problem is you’re trying to have too much control over your life. Wanting control is common with OCD but it also means it’s an issue for many people. ACT will help you here as it’s very important to understand more importantly accept that we will never have control over certain things.

Try to let go, even if it’s just for one night. Treat it like a test and if you’re unhappy you can always go back to your controlled way of handling things (not recommended, but if you bare in mind you can revert if you don’t like letting go it can act as a ‘safety valve’ mentality if you like, to give you the confidence to try something different). 

I used to despise drinking when suffering with ROCD because I feared I’d let myself down. I started to drink as a form of ERP and it actually ended up working wonders in trusting myself long term. That doesn’t include getting wasted of course, but drunk in that happy, let go kind of way. It’s finding a balance between being stupid and being too sensitive. The only way to get that balance is to find it.